Let’s face it, when you get down to it, you have 5 major needs. If these needs aren’t met, this is most likely why you aren’t committing. Depending on which need is missing, you may want to softly massage this point into your good bye talk. The bottom line is that you want sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, an attractive woman, domestic support and admiration. Sexual expression is key, followed closely by respect. If your girlfriend isn’t making you feel sexually fulfilled and respected, you will often seek it out elsewhere. Hence, a commitment is a “no go” without these initial ingredients. In fact, if your girlfriend doesn’t meet all 5 of these needs then you might as well stop reading this article and just let her walk away. Stop wasting your time and her time. If she does meet these needs, keep reading.
As humans, you live by encouragement and you die without it. So, ask yourself… Does my girlfriend own an encouraging charisma that lifts me up when I’m down? That brings me balance when I feel like things in my life are going arye? Without encouragement you slowly, sadly angrily find yourself shutting down. If she isn’t bringing encouragement to the table, don’t feel bad about not committing. Your mind is linear and below is a chart that illustrates the way your mind is wired.
You are wired to chase the sex. You feel drawn by sex. Overtime, the unifying bond of sex may sooner or later ignite feelings of love. Are you feeling this? If you are, then give your girlfriend a point on the board for a commitment. With these feelings of love, are you feeling an intimacy with your girlfriend? If you quickly answered yes, throw another point on the board for committing to your girlfriend. The reality is, if you are not feeling sexually fulfilled you will shut down affectionately and she will feel it. If you aren’t feeling love & intimacy, it’s not time to commit; it’s time to let her go.
Now, what if you are reading this and you gave your girlfriend all the points on the board for meeting your 5 needs BUT when it comes to feeling love and intimacy, it just isn’t there? And to top it off, you know that you are an emotionally healthy man yet for some reason you are unable to reach this level of “love” and all the major needs have been met (sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, attractive woman, domestic support and admiration)? Well then, this isn’t the time or person you will commit too. It’s never easy telling your girlfriend you can’t commit, and if this ends the union, it’s saved you from settling into discontentment. So, what happens next? Usually, a world of emotion’s come to the surface.
Love is a commitment and when you choose to dodge the emotional commitment for the right or wrong reasons, you enter into a state of perpetual hunger and will often go through 3 stages of isolation.
1. The protest of the lack of a relationship- This often gives way to feelings of sadness and anger. You may feel abandoned and alone.
2. Depression and/or Despair- This often occurs when hope is deferred and the heart becomes emotionally sick.
3. Detachment- This is often seen as withdrawal and/or minimization while some people choose to find other alternatives in order to hide. This hiding may be accomplished through various means. A few examples may be working out, training and sometimes becoming a workaholic in order to mask and disguise the pain inside.
Determine if your 5 major needs are being met. This is the foundation for a loving relationship. If it’s not there, why get cornered into a commitment? Work your way through the major needs. Make your assessment and then feel confident with your decision. Accept the situation for what it is; forgive, let go and grow.
Forgive yourself, your girlfriend and the situation for any discomfort this relationship brought forth. Let go of that emotional tie or knot you may feel within yourself, allow her to do the same and let go of any attachment to why this situation happened. Let yourself grow, let her grow and let the situation go.